Giving Up

Right now I am sitting here with my son in my arms waiting for him to finally give in and fall over asleep.  He fights it like no baby I have ever known.  I tried rocking him at which time he yelled, yes I typed yelled, not a cry or a whine a yell, at me, and began flinging his arms and legs around.  He is crying in my lap at this exact minute with his thumb in his mouth, eyes rolling back in his head.

You would think that would be it and he would give up, but no.  He pops the thumb out and begins yelling at me some more.  What do I do you ask?  I give up.  After 4 months I have learned to just give up and let him wear himself completely and totally out.  I no longer rock, bounce, make laps through the house, or sing.  Turning on the mobile in his bed no longer works either.  I have come to realize these things only make him more mad because even at four months he knows I am trying to put him to sleep.  So I guess I feel like why wear myself out and stress about it when eventually he will be 100% exhausted and fall asleep. 

When he was smaller I would worry myself sick trying to make him stop crying.  I think I felt like if he were crying that meant I wasn't doing something right and that I wasn't a good mom.  Fast forward to now and I think that is pure bologna.  I have learned everytime I think I have this child figured out he changes it up on me and decides he wants to be different and throw me for a loop.  I think he likes keeping me on my toes, and I'm a little concerned this is a precurser for things to come.  I have this vision of him when he is supposed to be in bed, as a 4 year old, playing with his toys instead of sleeping even after I tell him multiple times to quit playing and go to bed.  In the morning I will find him on the floor passed out in the middle of all these toys.  It makes me smile now.  He is one stubborn little one, full of energy, and personality.  Huh, wonder where he gets that from?