Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Mama Ramblings: Quiet Time

As young people we think nothing of having quiet time and actually very rarely enjoy it.  Because if you're a teenager or in your early twenties more than likely you are almost always surrounded by friends or making plans to go out with them.  Then we get married and we still have some quiet time, not as much, but it's still there.  Then we have kids, and out the window our quiet time goes. 

Now we all know this will happen when we make the decision to have a child.  I remember thinking to myself that my life will no longer be my own and there would be a screaming baby interrupting my sleep, then a toddler and so on.  However, I never fully grasped the craving I would have for that missed quiet time.  I am a person who was perfectly happy having "me time".  I lived on my own (no I didn't even live with my now husband before we were married) for a good 4-5 years.  I loved having control of the remote, the contents of my fridge, and the evenings doing whatever I wanted in my own apartment.  When I started dating my husband a little of that time was given up and I struggled for a while to adjust. 

Confession: I am not one for change, I don't handle it well, never have never will. 

When we got married, there was a little less but I enjoyed coming home to someone else and reveling in being a newlywed.  Then came little Mister Grant.  He was probably the biggest adjustment I've ever made in my life and the best too.  I like to think Grant and I kind of grew up and adjusted together.  He is not one for change (wonder where he gets it?) and he was a difficult infant.  He and I took a long time to adjust to me learning my mothering role.  He and I were never apart for more than a total of 5 hours his first 10 months of life.  He didn't ride in a car without me in the same car until he was 11 months old.  All that time it was he and I together learning our roles (My husband was there part of the time but he worked long hours to support us).  Many people wonder why Grant is so attached to me and I so overprotectively attached to him and it baffles me that they can't figure it out.  The first 10 months of his life he saw my face nearly every second of the day (and it felt like every second of the night since he wasn't much for sleeping), so why wouldn't we be overly attached to each other?

Now that he is nearly 3 you would think we would have things down to a science but no such luck haha.  I firmly believe he has a 6th sense that is, "mama's doing something".  He knows when I get out of bed even when he is in his deepest sleep.  He is always up within 10 minutes of me getting up, so yes I practically run to the shower crossing my fingers I can get finished before I hear his feet hit the floor.  If he is watching a cartoon intently he will notice the second I get up to do something, even if his back is to me, I will inevitably hear the words "mama, what you doin'?"  Even if my response is "just going to the bathroom", he will no doubt follow me to make sure I'm not doing anything else he might be interested in "helping" with.

I fought against this for awhile, getting aggravated that I can't even go to the bathroom or take a shower without company, you would think after 3 years I would be used to it by now. 

What can I say I'm a slow learner. 

Or maybe just a teeny bit of a control freak who thinks she can have things her way (I've often thought God gave me Grant to change this negative personality trait and make me a better person:)

I'm trying to turn a new leaf, I remind myself that it won't be like this forever and I will miss these days when Grant is a teenager and would rather be out with friends or in his room by himself than with his mom.  I know I will look back and think I should have appreciated this time for what it is instead of fighting against it.  Children have such a short time to just be kids, innocent, hopeful, and unaware of the harsh realities out there.  This time is growing shorter and shorter nowadays, and I know the last thing I want him to remember about me is that I always wanted to be by myself or was aggravated all the time.  I pray quite frequently for more patience, understanding, and that Grant will forgive his Mama for her shortcomings.  I think as mom's we are always wondering whether we are doing a good job, always second guessing ourselves, hoping our kids will know we love them even when we are disciplining them or having a bad day.

Grant amazes me every day.  He is his own person, independent opinionated and strong minded at the age of nearly 3.  I know this next little one will amaze me as well.  And as for that quiet time, well I'm guessing this new little one will take up the little bit I have acquired over the last few years and we will all adjust to that as well.

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