Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Stay At Home Mom?

It has always been my dream to be a wife and mother and I always thought when I had kids I would be a stay at home mom.  When I pictured my future family I pictured me at home with the kids running wild and dinner on the table when my husband came home from work.  Nowadays it seems like a silly far fetched fantasy of the 1950's but regardless it's what I wanted.  Well after 4 years of college, thousands of dollars in student loans, medical bills, car payments, rent, and all the other day to day expenses, I came to realize my dream was financially impossible. 
During my pregnancy I tried not to think about strangers taking care of my precious baby and prayed daily a solution would present itself to me.  I had come to accept the fact that I would have to work to help support our growing family and that meant daycare was our only option.  I worked in a daycare for four years and I can tell you it's not like the horror stories you see on the news.  Most of the women who work there really do care about the kids they are taking care of and I can honestly say I got very attached to quite a few of them.  I still keep in touch with a couple of the families and they even attended my wedding.  Even knowing all that I know of daycare I still wasn't crazy about having my son in one.
After having my son I was over joyed to be able to take 12 weeks maternity leave and thought I would be content having that time with him knowing I would have to go back to work.  However the more time I spent with him the more difficult the idea of leaving him became.  As I sit here and watch him sleep so peacefully the idea of someone not talking to him in the same loving way I do, not holding him when he cries, or rocking him to sleep when he's tired breaks my heart and makes me tear up every time I think of it. 
So the question arises, is making more money worth him possibly not being in a loving environment?  Is having cable, internet, a new car, eating out frequently, and being able to buy more "things" really worth it? In one word...No. 
I currently have 2 weeks left of my maternity leave and have come to the conclusion there is no way I can leave my baby in someone elses hands just so I can have more material items.  My husband and I have thought long and hard about this decision since it will effect us greatly and finances will be more tight than ever.  When I think back to my growing up I don't remember what my parents bought me, I remember the places we went, the time we spent just being together. 
So, while I am really dreading telling my boss I'm not coming back, all I have to do is look into Grant's little face and I know there is no other place I'd rather be than right here with him in my arms.

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